So far, this summer has been full of hard work and satisfying rewards; from doing many little projects around our home, celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary, and in particular interest to this post, growing the family and friends who know the full me. Having the opportunity to open up to a good friend from work and my brother-in-law have been some big highlights of the summer thus far.
Apart from all the hard work, I’ve taken some time to enjoy watching some soccer on TV, especially the woman’s world cup. A good friend from work has also been following the world cup very closely and after work one day we decided to meet up, along with my wife, at a local bar to support the USA. I had thought about opening up to my work friend, G, because I knew she was a very open minded friend, being very proactive in many progressive groups in the city, and since we had many overlapping friends who knew about Katie, I though this would be a good opportunity to talk to her about my gender views.
At half time, my wife and I were discussing, along with G, about the pride parade coming up in the fall. I’m sure it’s held in the fall because it’s just too damn hot in the middle of summer to hold a parade. I told G that I wanted to make plans to go this year because it holds a special place for me, having gone out for the first time as Katie in public almost three years ago at pride. As with all my other experiences, it was overwhelmingly positive. We talked about gender roles in society, trans issues, and we also had a fun discussion about drag and RuPaul’s Drag Race, as she’s a HUGE fan. My wife and I talked about the different seasons, who were our favorite contestants, and about how we’d love to go see Bianca Del Rio perform!
My next big step was over the 4th of July weekend. I had an extra day off, and since the weather had turned much cooler than normal, I took the opportunity to dress up for the 4th, especially having been over a month since my last time all dolled up. I was enjoying the cooler weather, catching up on social media, when my brother-in-law, R, texted me in the evening and wanted to know if I’d like to play some games online. Later that night, while still in full makeup, I logged on and we played some games while chatting over Skype. During this time I made sure that my webcam was off so he couldn’t see me. At this point it’s important to say that my wife and I had talked about telling her brother about Katie, especially since my wife and R are quite close compared to the rest of the family.
During our gaming session, he told me that his son and wife were at a family’s place and that he was by himself. I thought this would be a great time to talk to him one on one about Katie, so before we logged off at the end of the night, I told him I had something important to talk about. At this point my heart was pumping fast as I told him that I was going to turn on the webcam and that he would see something different and that I would explain everything.
Just as before, the experience and reaction was incredibly positive. I began to talk about my past and how I got to this point. Why I decided to open up to him and where the future might take me. R has made choices in his life that he wanted to make for himself, despite what others might have wanted for him. I respect his independence and I think he understood where I was coming from when I told him that I was so much happier now than before, having chosen to be open and honest with myself and others about who I really am. It’s a great feeling when you can open up to someone and no longer have any secrets and nothing to hide. At least now he knows why I love playing strong female characters whenever it’s an option in games. 🙂
After we logged off my heart was still pounding, and as I started to come down from the adrenaline rush, I felt nothing but joy. After taking a shower and heading to bed, I saw that R had texted me. It was an amazing text, because it was only about games and which one we should get next to play online. We went back to normal very quickly, as revealing Katie was no huge thing, in a good way if that makes sense. It wasn’t a roadblock to our relationship.
The next day, R and I texted that we would only talk to his son about Katie when the time was right (he just turned 5). I told R that I was 100% okay with that decision since he’s the father and it’s not my place to say otherwise. I’m sure it’ll be an interesting discussion to have in the future, but one that I know will go well, since R and his wife are raising their son to be open minded and teaching that things aren’t as simple as black or white, that things don’t always fall into two categories, but that life can be a wonderful and beautiful rainbow of possibilities.
I hope you all are having a great summer and staying cool!
Much love to all,
Those words from my four year old nephew, which will be explained shortly, but first things first, wow has it been a long time since I’ve written a blog post. So what’s happened since my last post, besides leaving it collect dust on the heap of forgotten blogs? Well, the biggest thing that’s taken place, and what’s consumed quite a bit of time is the fact that we searched for our first home, found it, bought it, moved into it, have been doing quite a bit of work in it, and now enjoying it.
Since my last post I’ve gotten some new ideas of things to write about as it relates to Katie in my everyday life. The first story has to do with video games. I’ve always enjoyed playing video games, having great memories as a kid waking up early on a weekend morning to play some Nintendo with my brother. Early on, whenever there was an option to choose a character, I would often go for the female role. In recent years I’ve created and played female characters in games like Skyrim and Animal Crossing and really get a kick out of it. One reason is the fact that I enjoy seeing female characters as the lead role, as the heroine, and of course I’m able to play as my alter ego in a way.
This leads to our new home. Once we moved, we bought a new gaming console in order to be able to play with my wife’s brother and his four year old son. Online gaming has been something I’ve shied away from because most of my friends don’t play games and I don’t like to play with complete strangers. But now that we have some family who are gamers, I wanted to connect with them more often, especially with my nephew through some games.
Minecraft is my nephew’s favorite game, a game where you can be whom ever you want and create anything you want. Just up my alley! So of course I choose to play as a girl, in this case a mermaid (how fun!). As soon as my nephew saw me in the game he said “why are you a girl?” and then “can you please change to a boy?”. It was a strange feeling. It was adorable and totally broke my heart at the same time. To realize that at age four, kids already know what gender roles to play in order to keep within societies rules, and the fact that my brother-in-law and his son don’t yet know about the real truth. The truth that I can’t stop my feminine side from expressing its self.
This strange feeling didn’t last long as I took it upon myself to disobey his request, I wasn’t going to change, and in fact I get a kick out of annoying him, in a fun way that is. Now that we’ve been playing online once or twice a week now for several months, he doesn’t even bring the issue up anymore. I guess we’ve just got to stick to our principles, and along the way help a four year old realize that you can play and be anyone.
“If I want to be accepted as I am, then I need to be willing to accept others as they are. It is arrogant to set standards for others.” -Louise Hay
I’ve been lucky to have a wife and close friends who have shown support for me since starting this blog and I do my best to return that appreciation in accepting the decisions others make with their lives. I hope that in the future, more and more people will realize that we all want to be accepted for who we are and that holding everyone to that same standards just doesn’t make sense.
Have a great weekend everyone,