Q&A with Hannah & Katie

Hannah and I recently did a little Q&A session just asking each other some questions.  I think this will be a great way to get to know someone new and get to discuss some topics on a more personal level.  Here’s the first question I asked Hanna, and some additional thoughts from me, enjoy! Oh, and if you have any questions, about anything really, don’t hesitate to ask either one of us.

7I was chatting with my friend Hannah not long ago and I just had to ask her “do you ever have issues with the term crossdresser”?  I sometimes have issues with the term because of what you often find when searching for the term “crossdressing/crossdresser” on sites like tumblr, Flickr, or Facebook.  You’ll find a ton of pictures that are straight up porn than anything else.  When it comes to crossdressing, I don’t do it to take half naked pictures to post online (I’m not suggesting it’s wrong), I do it because Katie is a part of my identity.  She is so much more than a sex symbol, character, or persona that I experience when I have the time to dress up.   So when I come out to a friend, what am I going to say I do?  Hannah’s response was:

I do love the term because it has the word ‘dress in it…but I know exactly what you mean. I would love to create a new word for girls like us. The term suggests fetishism and sexualization of what we do.

The thing I love about her answer, after taking time to think about the issue, was the very first part.  It’s so simple, and not over thought.  We sometimes live too much in our own heads, which is sometimes counterproductive.  Enjoy the things that you love, no matter what anyone else thinks, be it shoes, makeup, fashion, and of course dresses.

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Credit: whittlz

I could write on and on about how I see terms like transgender or crossdresser.  The thing is that I’m still working on figuring it out, and if I try to over think things too much and place myself in a category, the more that I’ll lose sight on a broader community of people.  I’ve had the pleasure of befriending so many wonderful individuals from all sorts of different backgrounds that I wouldn’t want to overlook.  When I do come out to someone new in person, it is never easy to sum it up into one term, although I often do use the terms crossdresser and trans to start a broader (and intensive) conversation to explain how I see myself.

In a perfect word, I would love to be like Janelle Monáe.  She is a different and fearless artist, and has battled people from labeling her (this BuzzFeed article is really cool) .  We are all trying to be fearless.

So…who am I?  I am at most times my male self, but not entirely so; and I am also Katie, but again not entirely so.  It’s not always clear living in the middle, flowing from one end to another.  I’m not entirely sure what you would call that, or if it even matters.  I just need to try and ignore it, and enjoy life.  Keep in simple even if it seems complicated.

Katie

I'll let you know how it turns out!

I’ll let you know how it turns out!

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About katieinthehall

I'm a rediscovered crossdresser in my early 30's looking to express my thoughts as I move through this journey of discovery.

Posted on July 26, 2013, in Be Yourself, crossdressing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. I think of it as you simply being you. Who really cares if someone else requires a label to explain it.

  2. Well, you’re just Katie to me. 🙂 As for me, sometimes I’m this other nerdy looking guy, and sometimes I’m Amy and I feel like a woman. But the two of us are two sides of the same coin, two parts of the same soul.

  3. Cross dresser, yeah as you know I do tend to reference myself that way. Lately I have been trying out gender fluid, or even transgender. But then I think, why? Why am I always trying to find a word that accurately defines who I am?

    At my recent hair appointment I had quite the interesting conversation with the stylist. In her mind, she really does not see much of a difference between us and the lingerie clad crowd. It made me realize that I would like a term I could say to people and they would then say “oh I get it, your ______ and your not ________ ” While my stylist was super relaxed and easy going about it all, she really appeared to be unable to grasp what I was talking about even though she serves so many different types of folks within our community. Most people are like her in that we all just get grouped together.

    When you tell people you are a cross dresser, their minds immediately go to sexual fetish. If you tell people you are transgender, then they think you are eventually going to change your gender. Most other words, we are aware of, the general populace is not. I do really want a word that would accurately reflect where we are, happy in the middle, and people would understand what it means.

    Simply for ease, I use cross dresser or the old school transvestite. But I really like what my fave comedian, Eddie Izzard, terms himself as: an executive transvestite. Maybe I should just adopt that phrase. Hmm…

    • I’m sure it’s a common feeling. Since I spend so much time in the trans world, I hear of all kinds of words; genderqueer, androgyny, queer, gender fluid, ect… As you point out, one really can’t use these words because most of the general public have never heard it used, and I for one get confused by most of these newer terms.

    • I’m not out to very many people yet, but when I do come out to someone the first thing I always say is that I’m transgender, and then immediately clarify that that doesn’t mean gay or transsexual. Only later in the conversation do I mention that expressing my femininity includes crossdressing. That way people (hopefully) know that it’s not just about the clothes. So far this seems to work.

      • It sounds like many of us do something similar. An individuals character and emotions are so much more complicated to be able to fit into a small description. For those who I have come out to and had this conversation, it has made for a stronger friendship, I think because both sides take the time and effort to understand each other.

  4. I love this post. I’ve complained to my wife so many times about some if these very things. I can’t find resources for crossdressers online without wading through piles of porn. “No thanks, don’t want to see your penis. I have my own”. But the whole conversation sounds fascinating.

    • These are some conversations I’m happy that can take place in an accepting and open community. I love it even more when I can have conversations like this with some close friends.

  5. We are a society that likes to put people into catagories. It is easier to classify people and things if there is an appropriate label. Many of the computer blogging programs ‘ping’ on words.
    I have not found a label that fits me so I take a different approach. I see the activity that I am pursuing at any given time. As such I cross dress or wear makeup, or high heels or a wig. It is the activity.
    I try to treat this much the same as lots of other things that I do. For example I golf one or two times a week. When on the course some may call me a golfer or terms such as hacker or sandbagger or hooker/slicer/shanker may be a more apt description. When not on the course I am working or eating or sleeping or driving. Therefore am I a worker, eater, sleeper, driver, etc.
    We all wear many hats. It would be nice if there were a better term than crossdresser or transvestite and I know that some have adopted the broad spectrum term transgender but I am just me, an individual who is many different things all rolled into one, a person with lots of interests, one of which is wearing woman’s clothes.
    Pa

    • Well said Pat. We’re all so much more than a term or a category, and if we take the time to know each other, we will all find some interesting things in ourselves and others.

  6. I used to struggle more with the terms. I started blogging as crossdresser while I worked to understand myself. I so things to be that simple as it left room for me to not put so much on the line internally and with my wife and family. The more I explored, the more the term was just not fitting for me as I realized it was much deeper and I re-vamped my blog and term to transgender. It seems to help myself and others understand that this is way more than a clothes thing.

    It is interesting that I get lots of blog traffic from any of the posts still using crossdresser and almost nothing under transgender label. I know I used to search the term crossdresser and had to wade through so much junk it was almost tragic. That may be why the traffic comes in as I made it a little higher up under crossdress searches and am not using sexualization or porn.

    Good luck in your journey. Looking for terms helps us to understand what we may or may not be so don’t be afraid to try on several hats and see what you learn.
    Peace & smiles – Anna

    • It’s been an interesting journey to say the least. I’ve noticed how you’ve progressed as you keep exploring the depth of your identity. I find it so honorable and rewarding to read of such stories of self discovery. Having followed your stories I can begin to understand how Anna is so much more than just clothes, it’s about breaking down the walls you had built from years past, and letting Anna come through full force. For me, it too has been much more than just the clothes and makeup, it’s about finding joy in between the male and female sides of myself. I’m beginning to like the term gender fluid that helps describe this feeling. I find it so interesting how things have changed over the years, your path leading to HRT, mine finding a comfortable place in the middle, and at the same time celebrating the things that make us different, and enjoying the things that we have in common.
      Peace to you Anna.
      Love, Katie

  1. Pingback: Katie Amor! |

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