The Quiet Mind Speaks

Introspective Self Portrait

Introspective Self Portrait

I knew there was a little something different about me back when I was in my early teens while day dreaming.  I would often dream or fantasies about finding a magic lamp and wishing to have the power to switch between my male and female self on command.  I wanted so much to know how it felt to be a woman.  Thinking back to those teen years dreaming and fantasizing, I now understand what my mind was trying to tell me.

It has now been just over a year since starting my weekly yoga practice at a local studio, where I’ve had the fortune of becoming very comfortable and open with the instructor.  I originally started yoga to help my lower back pain, but have since gained so much more than I could have hoped for.  At the end of each yoga session, we finish with a short meditation session, where you allow the mind to rest, and focus on breathing.

For a long time, the only thing I did during this time was to catch my breath from the yoga practice, and try to keep my mind clear from trivial thoughts (easier said than done).  If I couldn’t clear my mind, I would try to have some deep thoughts about myself, questioning who I was, and becoming comfortable with who I was becoming.  It got to the point where I got tiered of questioning myself, and stopped thinking about the person I am today.  I accepted and moved on.  Once I was able to get to this point, I was able to clear my mind during meditation and allow my mind to quiet.  I would often picture myself as a little boy, out on our summer camping trips, staring endlessly at the flickers of flame from the camp fire.

At times, I picture my adult male self on a mountain pass, this one in particular being called Condor Pass in south america, where you can pull over, sit down, and watch the giant Condors catching the wind as the glide up the mountain slope.  Only occasionally will I meditate and picture myself as Katie, maybe folded up in a chair overlooking the trees in the wind during a rain storm.

All these signs, the day dreams and mediation, allowing the quite mind to paint the picture, has shown me how I need both my masculine and feminine sides for me to be complete.  It is truly remarkable what the mind can tell you when you allow it to speak to you through all the noise of our daily lives.

I hope you all are having a wonderful Saturday,

Katie

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About katieinthehall

I'm a rediscovered crossdresser in my early 30's looking to express my thoughts as I move through this journey of discovery.

Posted on December 1, 2012, in Be Yourself and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. To right about easier said than done. Quieting and listening to my mind has been a recent goal for me. I am finding so many other things to distract me from that. I spent a long time (most of my life) building filters and barriers to prevent too much of this in an effort to suppress my feminine side. Mostly unintentionally but the effect is similar. I am so happy to hear you are able to listen and be!

    Peace and smiles – Anna

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