During the past six months I can look back and see how I’ve changed, which is great since those were the goals I’d set out for myself. Another area which has improved is my relationship with my brother. My brother is three years older and lives a few states over. Once we got to our teen years, we started to go our different ways (he was the artist and I was in the sciences), and by the time we moved away from each other, we weren’t talking too often.
I could have called more often, but I think my issue was that I was afraid. I was afraid of how he was doing with his depression, and loneliness, after moving to a new city. I was afraid to hear any bad news. He has been with and without jobs, moving from one place to another. With the depression getting worse, he felt like he got to the end of the road and was close to ending his life. I’m not happy that it took me this long to face that fear of confronting bad news.
In March he sent me a text, basically saying goodbye. I remember standing in the kitchen looking at the text, standing frozen in place as I was incapable of understanding what just happened. I called my brother, and went through the toughest phone call ever in my life. He spent an hour venting his emotions while all I could do is cry and tell him that there was more to life and that things will change for the better. After about an hour, we ended the call. I just sat there, not knowing what to do. He called back, in a clearer state of mind and just talked about his situation and mine. I realized that he was desperate and needed someone to vent to. Soon afterward he sought help from a therapist and things got better.
It really is amazing to see the differences that can happen in 6 months. He found a great place to work along with some good friends to keep him company, and a new girlfriend who loves all aspects of who he is. I talked to him last week and I could immediately tell he was in such a positive environment. I couldn’t stop smiling, and shedding a few tears for the changes he made for himself. Having a companion in his life has made all the difference.
That March phone call was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, and I am so happy that I went through that. I have my brother here today, and we have a chance to strengthen that sibling bond. It really can show you how facing down your demons can make your life and the ones around you better. With that said, I ran out of tissues. Atleast these are tears of joy and not sorrow.
Take care everyone,