Monthly Archives: September 2012
“The lust for comfort murders the passions of the soul.” -Kahlil Gibran
I must confess that I am guilty of this. As someone who struggles with shyness and being too reserved at times, I often find myself getting too cozy with the comfortable. I have experienced that when I push the boundaries of what I’m comfortable with, I find happiness. New experiences and new friends can come as a result of taking that risk of moving away from the comfortable and the known. I hope to be smashing that barrier next week as I venture out into the Mid-South Pride festival. More to come…. 🙂
Have a nice weekend everyone,
Since these are the first few days of the fall season, I thought I would share a new cocktail recipe perfect for the season, which I found on BuzzFeed.
3 Tablespoons pumpkin pie filling
1.5 oz. Amaretto
1 oz. Vanilla vodka
1/3 Cup half & half
Sprinkle with cinnamon
What a summer it’s been. Yes, it’s been hot and humid, but I sure tried to make the best out of it. I’m happy that this summer I’ve been able to make some new friends by sharing a deep part of my character. I’ve also been able to keep practicing my basic skills as I come to appreciate what it takes to do makeup, and really taking it to the point where it’s a creative release for myself. I’ve been able to support my wife as she has started going to school full time, and trying to keep that necessary balance needed for the both of us.
With all that said, I am happy that summer is ending and fall is approaching. Fall will bring the change of season I love, especially when I go out to take pictures of the changing colors. This fall will also bring some new opportunities for me to progress with the development of my identity. During the past month or so, there have been two goals which I’ve been working towards, and shopping for. The first goal, which I have committed to attending, is to go out for the first time as Katie to the mid-south pride festival in early October. Ladies and gentleman, the time for practicing is over, now it’s time to get out there and enjoy a new part of life.
I figured that the pride event would be the best opportunity to go out for the first time. The weather will be cooler, the environment will be safe, and I’ll have some great friends to support me, while I support them as they march in the parade. We’ve been doing some shopping at some second hand stores to put together an outfit, complete with my first purse (which will be great to hold my camera). The more we go out shopping, the more comfortable I’ve been picking through the racks and trying on items. I also finally purchased my first pair of breast forms, and a new bra to keep them secure. Nothing too big, just a nice C cup. I also got contact lenses, so I can show off the work I do on my eyes, along with the big lashes I use sometimes. I’ve also been working lately to put together the makeup look I will be wearing to the event.
This past week, as I’ve been thinking more and more about the festival, I’ve been thinking that this opportunity could be much more than just my first time out. There will be many groups/organizations that will have booths at the festival, and I’m sure I can use this chance to meet some new people and start interacting with individuals in the community.
Besides the pride event, I’m also working on my Halloween outfit, which isn’t finished yet, and for which we don’t have any events or parties yet planned to attend.
I hope that you all are looking forward to the changing of the seasons and the opportunities which accompany it.
During the past six months I can look back and see how I’ve changed, which is great since those were the goals I’d set out for myself. Another area which has improved is my relationship with my brother. My brother is three years older and lives a few states over. Once we got to our teen years, we started to go our different ways (he was the artist and I was in the sciences), and by the time we moved away from each other, we weren’t talking too often.
I could have called more often, but I think my issue was that I was afraid. I was afraid of how he was doing with his depression, and loneliness, after moving to a new city. I was afraid to hear any bad news. He has been with and without jobs, moving from one place to another. With the depression getting worse, he felt like he got to the end of the road and was close to ending his life. I’m not happy that it took me this long to face that fear of confronting bad news.
In March he sent me a text, basically saying goodbye. I remember standing in the kitchen looking at the text, standing frozen in place as I was incapable of understanding what just happened. I called my brother, and went through the toughest phone call ever in my life. He spent an hour venting his emotions while all I could do is cry and tell him that there was more to life and that things will change for the better. After about an hour, we ended the call. I just sat there, not knowing what to do. He called back, in a clearer state of mind and just talked about his situation and mine. I realized that he was desperate and needed someone to vent to. Soon afterward he sought help from a therapist and things got better.
It really is amazing to see the differences that can happen in 6 months. He found a great place to work along with some good friends to keep him company, and a new girlfriend who loves all aspects of who he is. I talked to him last week and I could immediately tell he was in such a positive environment. I couldn’t stop smiling, and shedding a few tears for the changes he made for himself. Having a companion in his life has made all the difference.
That March phone call was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, and I am so happy that I went through that. I have my brother here today, and we have a chance to strengthen that sibling bond. It really can show you how facing down your demons can make your life and the ones around you better. With that said, I ran out of tissues. Atleast these are tears of joy and not sorrow.
Take care everyone,