What a Character

Lately I’ve been watching some of RuPaul’s Drag Race on Netflix (along with some of the Olympics ).  I normally don’t like reality shows, mainly because I hate the way some shows create drama and conflict for the sake of ratings. I started catching up on Drag Race because I remember watching RuPaul’s talk show in the 90’s (only occasionally when I could sneak past my parents late at night to watch tv) and it really made an impression on me, and also because Karen from transbeautiful wrote an awesome post on her experience at a drag show.  To think that you could transform from a man to a stunning woman with an impressive personality.  The show also seems to have become very popular among regular viewers.   There are actually several restaurants and pubs around Memphis that have special RuPaul’s Drag Race viewing nights.

This whole topic has brought up a question for myself.  Looking back through my blog, I’ve had a habit of referring to myself in the third person.  I talk a lot about how Katie does this and that, and what Katie means to me.  Is Katie a character in my mind in a way? Drag queens have certain personas and characters they display on stage, which can be very different from their male self.  But I’m no drag queen, although it would be awesome to watch a drag show in person.

I think I use the third person a lot as a way to work through my thoughts as it relates to a new aspect to my life, which are still developing as part of my identity.  When I get dressed up as Katie and lounge around the apartment, I don’t feel like a different person.  I’m not sure if that will change as I continue to dress from time to time, and one day venture out with friends.

In a way, I’m hopping that by working on my complete identity, it will end up making me a better, more well rounded person.  There are some aspects to my character which I don’t like so much and have tried to improve.  I am a shy person and it takes me time to open up and trust new people.  This results in me being the quiet person in the corner of the party, keeping to himself.  We were invited to a friend’s house a couple of weeks ago to a party where I didn’t know anyone else beyond our host.  By the end of the night I was disappointed that I hadn’t talked to many people, and I just felt isolated and lonely.

I’m hoping that Katie will help me break out of my shell.  I’m hoping that I’ll become a more open and talkative person and let go of the vulnerability I feel sometimes when meeting new people.  So I guess I see Katie as a way to become a better person, not as a separate character from myself.

We’ll see how things turn out.  At least I’m looking forward to a nice weekend of shopping at some second hand stores.  Have a great weekend everyone!

Katie

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About katieinthehall

I'm a rediscovered crossdresser in my early 30's looking to express my thoughts as I move through this journey of discovery.

Posted on August 3, 2012, in crossdressing, TV and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. So many parallels to my feelings. Thank you for sharing Katie. It is amazing to learn of similar journeys.

  2. If it helps, I used to be a very repressed guy but when I finally acknowledged the truth about myself I became one hell of a girl. Someone told me it was because it took a lot more energy trying not to be myself and that when I didn’t have to pretend anymore, all of the energy was now at my disposal because I was already me and didn’t have to work at being me. I ain’t no shy little wildflower anymore and living large these days!

    • Thanks Deanna. It’s definitely something to looks forward too as I continue to let go and become more comfortable wih myself. I’m making some progress as I keep taking those small steps forward.

  3. I started with baby steps and now I’m just strutin’ my stuff and getting hit on, believe it or don’t!

  4. I think that each of us has to work through the issues in our own way. Are we dual personalities or dual personnas? I also think who we develop our personalities will be influenced by where you may be on the ‘gender spectrum’ at any given time. That may not be a static position. I would think that a TS would see themselves most favorably as their femme personna.

    I tend to be a guy who really likes to dress as often and as completely as possible. It is fun. It makes me happy. It provides peace. I am, however, still the same person. I am a guy. I do not feel like I am or should be a woman. That is just me. It is not all TG people.

    I also tend to refer to ‘Pat’ in the third person. I picked the name since it is about as dual sided as possible. I know as many male ‘Pats’ as female ‘Pats’. I was out in a bar last week and since I often refer to ‘Pat’ in the third person I slipped and referred to myself by my given name.

    You seem to find dressing to be fun, intriguing, interesting and enjoyable. You have also found a way to share the fun aspects of dressing with your wife. Back when I was your age we had a phrase “If it feels good…do it”. That is my advise to you.

    Pat

    • Thank you Pat for the advise. Sometimes it’s useful to analyze one’s self, but it’s sometimes easy to overdo it. It’s important to live in the moment and enjoy this new part of my life the best I can. Dressing definitely makes me happy, brining out a smile which I never had before, and that’s the most important part. And being able to share this with my wife, but more importantly, being more open, has made our relationship even stronger.

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