What a Character
Lately I’ve been watching some of RuPaul’s Drag Race on Netflix (along with some of the Olympics ). I normally don’t like reality shows, mainly because I hate the way some shows create drama and conflict for the sake of ratings. I started catching up on Drag Race because I remember watching RuPaul’s talk show in the 90’s (only occasionally when I could sneak past my parents late at night to watch tv) and it really made an impression on me, and also because Karen from transbeautiful wrote an awesome post on her experience at a drag show. To think that you could transform from a man to a stunning woman with an impressive personality. The show also seems to have become very popular among regular viewers. There are actually several restaurants and pubs around Memphis that have special RuPaul’s Drag Race viewing nights.
This whole topic has brought up a question for myself. Looking back through my blog, I’ve had a habit of referring to myself in the third person. I talk a lot about how Katie does this and that, and what Katie means to me. Is Katie a character in my mind in a way? Drag queens have certain personas and characters they display on stage, which can be very different from their male self. But I’m no drag queen, although it would be awesome to watch a drag show in person.
I think I use the third person a lot as a way to work through my thoughts as it relates to a new aspect to my life, which are still developing as part of my identity. When I get dressed up as Katie and lounge around the apartment, I don’t feel like a different person. I’m not sure if that will change as I continue to dress from time to time, and one day venture out with friends.
In a way, I’m hopping that by working on my complete identity, it will end up making me a better, more well rounded person. There are some aspects to my character which I don’t like so much and have tried to improve. I am a shy person and it takes me time to open up and trust new people. This results in me being the quiet person in the corner of the party, keeping to himself. We were invited to a friend’s house a couple of weeks ago to a party where I didn’t know anyone else beyond our host. By the end of the night I was disappointed that I hadn’t talked to many people, and I just felt isolated and lonely.
I’m hoping that Katie will help me break out of my shell. I’m hoping that I’ll become a more open and talkative person and let go of the vulnerability I feel sometimes when meeting new people. So I guess I see Katie as a way to become a better person, not as a separate character from myself.
We’ll see how things turn out. At least I’m looking forward to a nice weekend of shopping at some second hand stores. Have a great weekend everyone!