Practice Makes Perfect
Since January 2011, when K helped me buy my own makeup supplies, I’ve been diligently working on improving my makeup skills, and in the process, really appreciating makeup as an art (I spend lots of time going through Tumblr pictures, looking at some amazing work). Looking back at those first pictures I took in 2011 and comparing them to those I took this past weekend, I know that I’ve come a long way to learning who I am and becoming comfortable with myself, to the point of inviting friends over to our apartment to see Katie in person.
This past Sunday, after taking a couple weeks off from dressing (heat waves and wigs don’t mix 😦 ), I changed up my foundation routine, and was amazed at the difference it did for me. Since the beginning, covering my dark beard shadow was the biggest challenge I had going for me (in terms of appearance). It would just bring me down each time I would take pictures and see that beard popping through. I’ve tried MAC foundation, and Dermablend, but this weekend I finally found the combination of products that work best for me, and boy what big smiles it brought out of me. I found that a Maybelline Dream Smooth Mousse foundation, followed by a layer of BareMinerals foundation did the best job of all the products I’ve tried.
I spent Sunday in the apartment, taking a bunch of pictures (seems to be a common activity for crossdressers/gender queer), watching some sports, and above all, staying cool (with a fan and a martini 🙂 ). By the end of the day, my muscles were tired of smiling so much because I was so happy at the improvements I’ve made, even tearing up at times. These feelings are so much more than just the superficial improvements I’ve worked towards, it’s an increase in my confidence that brought out those smiles and tears.
I finally feel like I have the confidence to stand up for myself in so many ways. The outside confidant appearance only works to bolster the inner confidence. I feel like I am getting closer to the goals I’ve set out for myself at the beginning of the year, to the point that I’m running out of excuses to avoid venturing outside. Having that confidence, and a great group of supportive friends, really make overcoming those fears we share become easier to overcome.
Have a great rest of the week,