Monthly Archives: July 2012
I’ve been away from this blog for a couple of weeks and I think it’s from a sense of just not feeling it. It’s been a busy couple of weeks, starting with my wife’s car accident, on Friday the 13th of all days. We are so fortunate that she was’t injured and no one else was involved, but her poor car was totaled. We’re now searching the web for a nice used car and will spend quite some time searching the lots for a nice replacement.
I got into a further funk after reading about the shootings in Colorado. Anytime these events happen, they immediately take me back to memories from the Virginia Tech shootings in 2007. I was a graduate student and assistant to a professor at Tech, which put me in a position to hear horrific, heart wrenching stories from those students that lived through the shooting, and from those who were the first responders. Anytime there’s a news story like this, I close down emotionally, and it takes me time to work through the emotions.
Life goes through cycles. I was on cloud nine a couple of weeks after I was able to achieve the look I wanted, and now I’m just working through a slump, which will pass in time. I even tried to dress up this past weekend, but just wasn’t feeling it, and within a couple hours I washed off all that makeup and put the heels in the closet.
Embrace those times of joy and work through times of challenge. What else can one do?
“If I want to be accepted as I am, then I need to be willing to accept others as they are. It is arrogant to set standards for others.” -Louise Hay
I’ve been lucky to have a wife and close friends who have shown support for me since starting this blog and I do my best to return that appreciation in accepting the decisions others make with their lives. I hope that in the future, more and more people will realize that we all want to be accepted for who we are and that holding everyone to that same standards just doesn’t make sense.
Have a great weekend everyone,
Since January 2011, when K helped me buy my own makeup supplies, I’ve been diligently working on improving my makeup skills, and in the process, really appreciating makeup as an art (I spend lots of time going through Tumblr pictures, looking at some amazing work). Looking back at those first pictures I took in 2011 and comparing them to those I took this past weekend, I know that I’ve come a long way to learning who I am and becoming comfortable with myself, to the point of inviting friends over to our apartment to see Katie in person.
This past Sunday, after taking a couple weeks off from dressing (heat waves and wigs don’t mix 😦 ), I changed up my foundation routine, and was amazed at the difference it did for me. Since the beginning, covering my dark beard shadow was the biggest challenge I had going for me (in terms of appearance). It would just bring me down each time I would take pictures and see that beard popping through. I’ve tried MAC foundation, and Dermablend, but this weekend I finally found the combination of products that work best for me, and boy what big smiles it brought out of me. I found that a Maybelline Dream Smooth Mousse foundation, followed by a layer of BareMinerals foundation did the best job of all the products I’ve tried.
I spent Sunday in the apartment, taking a bunch of pictures (seems to be a common activity for crossdressers/gender queer), watching some sports, and above all, staying cool (with a fan and a martini 🙂 ). By the end of the day, my muscles were tired of smiling so much because I was so happy at the improvements I’ve made, even tearing up at times. These feelings are so much more than just the superficial improvements I’ve worked towards, it’s an increase in my confidence that brought out those smiles and tears.
I finally feel like I have the confidence to stand up for myself in so many ways. The outside confidant appearance only works to bolster the inner confidence. I feel like I am getting closer to the goals I’ve set out for myself at the beginning of the year, to the point that I’m running out of excuses to avoid venturing outside. Having that confidence, and a great group of supportive friends, really make overcoming those fears we share become easier to overcome.
Have a great rest of the week,
It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost 6 months since I started my blog, and it feels like time has gone by so fast, yet so much has changed. I am so happy that my wife and M supported me with the idea of writing this blog, where I’ve had the chance to meet some great individuals and make some new friends. It’s given me the chance to develop into the person I am and will be, without the social expectations hanging over me (to some extent at least).
One of the great things I’ve come to appreciate from this blog, and reading others, is the appreciation of the diversity among all those in the trans community. With this divers crowd, it’s allowed me to develop my own feelings on who I am, while appreciating the differences and similarities which bring us together.
Opening up to all these divers views on gender, either from bloggers who live it, or parents/spouses who are supportive of it, has really emphasized to me that there’s no wrong way to be yourself. When I first started to realize that I had this feminine aspect to my identity, I started doing research online, and quickly realized that although we may all share some basic aspect to our identity, we have many differences as well. Each of our roads will likely lead in different directions, and if you feel like you’re going in the right direction, no one can tell you you’re going in the wrong way.
There’s a whole spectrum of emotions and feelings out there, all of which has helped me to begin to define who I am. I’ve also realized that things are rarely static for long. My thoughts on my identity have evolved over the last year and will continue to do so as I feel more comfortable with myself, while also learning from other people’s experiences.
With that, I thank you for taking interest in my story, as I am interested in so many of the blogs I follow. It’s been an incredible journey so far, and I’m eager to see where I stand after a year.
Have a great 4th of July holiday everyone,