Little Steps

What a weekend this was.  On Friday night, I got dressed up, practiced my makeup, and spent the night with K in the apartment.  The weather was a little cool for this time of year, especially Friday night.  I was starting to have thoughts of going outside for a drive.  I was starting to get the thought in my head of the things I needed.  I got some comfy black flats, got my IDs, and cell phone.  I kept peering through the blinds, looking out at the parking lot and thinking if I should do it.  It’s a busy apartment and you hear lots of doors opening and closing, cars pulling in and out.  I told K that I was thinking about going out for a drive, then she asked where I was going to go, which I hadn’t thought much about.

We ended up spending the night indoors, watching some tv and making some dinner, having avoided facing the challenges that lay outside.  I spent the night thinking about how I’ve taken little steps from time to time.  First it was telling K that I wanted to get dressed up, then telling one friend about Katie, then several.  Then it was starting this blog, which has opened me up to a whole new world where i’m not alone with my thoughts, and where I am able to get a better grasp of who I am and where I’m going.  Then, this past weekend it was about making some initial plans to walk through that apartment door and go into a public world.  Some people like to dive right in, I guess I like to take the little steps to build that confidence.  At least I know I’ve come a long way from where I started a year and a half ago.

On Saturday, we decided to go out for our anniversary dinner to an awesome restaurant built in an old beauty salon.  Since the weather was perfect, we ate outside and watched people walk by as groups of friends went in and out of the bars and restaurants nearby.  I noticed myself looking at the ladies dressed up for the night, and I realized that unlike just about every guy out that night, I wasn’t “checking them out”, I was checking out their outfits and thinking how they would look on me.  I then had the sudden realization that I couldn’t remember when I first had those kinds of feelings.  There were several times K and I would look at the outfits, and make our comments.  It was a nice bonding/learning experience.

On the ride home we talked about gender terms, about the friends I’ve made online, and about how I view myself.  We talked about some plans we have with some friends in Mississippi, one who is interested in doing some crossdressing.  All in all, it was a positive weekend, and with some rough plans for later this year, I may be able to write about my first time out on the town with friends, as Katie. 🙂

Have a great week.

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About katieinthehall

I'm a rediscovered crossdresser in my early 30's looking to express my thoughts as I move through this journey of discovery.

Posted on June 4, 2012, in crossdressing, Family/Friends and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. On Monday, I was all dressed up to take new pictures for my blog and FB page when I realized my digital camera’s battery had died. While I left it charing, in a spur of the moment, I decided to go for a drive. So, in broad daylight (by myself) I went to my car and drove to the mall (the mall is literally 9 blocks away) and once I was in the parking lot I couldn’t go in. I was way too self councious. I didn’t really want to buy anything so it felt like a waste. But then I realized just walking that short walk to the car and going around for a bit and walking fromt he car home was technically being out and that it takes courage to be yourself and live your life. So, good job! and don’t sweat it you’re chance will come and you’ll be more than glad that you had practice on your makeup and deportment.

  2. Thanks for sharing your story Ariana. I’ve made some commitments for later this year to friends to go out as Katie. I made these commitments in order to have a solid goal to look forward to. If I end up saying “the heck with it” and have the confidence to go for a stroll before these events, I’ll be sure to write about it. Until then I’ll keep up the practice and give my Nikon a workout. 🙂

  3. Hello,
    I have nominated you for the reader appreciation award I have been given, please check out my blog http://kiramorrescloset.wordpress.com/ for details on how to accept. Thanks for always stopping by my blog. Very much appreciated.
    Have a safe and lovely weekend. God bless
    Love Always,
    Kira Moore

  4. I know what you mean about checking out outfits. I’ve caught myself doing it several times now. I like taking little steps myself, except for that big leap I took trying to walk home last sunday, but that may have been due to the bottle of wine I’d consumed before hand. Best of luck to you in getting out that door, it’ll happen in it’s own time 🙂

  5. Thanks for the encouragement Mel. I know a couple of drinks can help loosen things up, although if I do go out for a drive, I’ll make sure to have a designated driver. 🙂

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