Dejection

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Hello from Arizona. This week I’m here for a work related conference, where I was asked to present my first poster, summarizing the work we’ve done over the last year and a half. I knew I was going to attend this conference since January, and prepared thoroughly for my poster presentation.

The way that these conferences work is that you have big seminars where an individual talks about their work and there are plenty of people interested and attentive. Then there are poster sessions, where you have a hundred or more people with big posters outlining their work and people walk around and ask questions to the poster presenters.

I had spent weeks preparing my poster, stressing over it, getting it just right. Along with my boss, I was happy with the end result. This 4′ x 4′ poster represented all the work my colleagues and I worked so hard for. The poster covered topics I was familiar with, along with topics I hardly knew anything about, so I spent hours and hours doing my homework to better understand these topics, in case anyone asked. I always like to be as prepared as possible.

The title of this post is called dejection, because that’s how I feel, dejected. Before the session started, I hung my poster and had my business cards ready to go. To make a short story out of it, it sucks to watch people glance at your hard work for a second (if that) and then just walk away to the next poster. I had a feeling this was going to happen. There are so many fields in my work, and most people are interested really only in their own field. It still doesn’t make me feel any better. So much preparation and stress.

At least a couple of people stopped by and asked some basic questions, which I was more than eager to talk about. I can at least say there are some positives that came out of this trip. I got to hear some nice seminars, and since I did my homework before coming here, I now know my area of study a lot better.

Anyways, now that all that stress is off my shoulders, I can look forward to a long weekend where I’ll have plenty of time to indulge in my feminine side. Goodness knows that I need it!

I hope my next post is a little bit more positive,
Katie

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About katieinthehall

I'm a rediscovered crossdresser in my early 30's looking to express my thoughts as I move through this journey of discovery.

Posted on May 22, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Katie, your feeling of dejection is how I felt about myself when I first “came out” to my friends as wanting to live my life and be seen as a woman instead of as a man and, except for one or two people, it was if nothing had changed in how they behaved toward me, positively or negatively, which, of course, is my own judgment about what I observed. Your hard work and stress are not for naught and you have already acknowledged that you are a more competent associate in your field of interest because of it. People have their own priorities and it says absolutely nothing about you which I believe you already know by now.
    Basking in our own glow is sometimes all we get for being true to ourselves so enjoy your weekend for all its gusto and know that you are worthy simply because you are living true to who you are and not by someone else’s definition of who you should be. Deanna

  2. Oh wow Deanna, thank you for those powerful words. I guess I’ve experienced some of the similar feelings. Some friends that I’ve come out to are totally cool with it and never really ask about it. Things go on as normal, as if nothing ever happened, which I’m ok with, even if it’s a little awkward. On the other hand, I sometimes feel like I want to justify my thoughts to someone, even if they don’t ask for it. Sometimes I have waited for topics that come up in conversation where I can get these feelings of my chest. With other friends, I’ve had fullfilling conversations about gender topics. It’s just about looking for the positives in all things and being true to yourself. Thank you again for the lovely comment. 🙂

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