Monthly Archives: April 2012
It’s always nice to have an unexpected chance to introduce Katie to new friends. This past weekend we planned some fun activities with some coworkers to go to a baseball game. We had a good time at the game on Saturday and we had planned a relaxing Sunday doing the regular apartment chores (and to start reading the Hunger Games). We got an unexpected message on Sunday from some of my wife’s friends in northern Mississippi that they were on their way into town to do some bowling, and wanted to know if we wanted to join them.
One of the friends (let’s call her M) knows about Katie and has been very supportive and a great friend. The other two tagging along (we’ll call them L and T) are a great gay couple that I had met a couple times and were great hosts when we were invited to their home last year.
As I’ve mentioned before, over the last six months I’ve wanted to share Katie with people beyond these apartment walls. I have a short list of friends I would be comfortable coming out to, and L and T were on that list. For some reason I’ve felt very comfortable coming out to our homosexual friends. I guess because I know they will be understanding of my situation.
On the way to the bowling alley, I knew that I wanted to tell them about Katie and started to think about how and when. I wanted to show them that I was more than K’s husband, that nice guy who is shy and doesn’t talk much (a part of my character I’ve tried to work on).
I hadn’t bowled in about 10 years, so it took a couple of games to get the hang of it again. While I was sitting there, waiting my turn, I kept thinking about how to bring up Katie. I didn’t want to just blurt out, “I’m a crossdresser, hooray!!”. I ended up running out of time, our games were up. Luckily I had another chance because they were going to grab a bite to eat at a place nearby.
During dinner I asked M if L and T would like to see a picture of my friend Katie. I wanted to see their reaction to the pictures I have on my phone, without telling them that’s me. At first L looked at the picture, and I’m guessing he didn’t think much of that woman. Then he kept looking at it, then eventually he looked up at me, then back to the phone, then back to me, then his mouth dropped. It was a priceless expression. After the initial shock, we talked about crossdressing, drag queens, makeup, we even made some rough plans for halloween. It was a very rewarding experience. One of the things they pointed out that I never realized is that my smile is different when I am Katie, which was a very interesting observation. Maybe subconsciously I am happier and relaxed, free to express those emotions on the outside.
I am glad that I didn’t chicken out, and let the opportunity to tell them in person about myself slip by. I think years ago I would have missed those kinds of opportunities, whatever the topic. I guess that’s a sign that I’ve gained some confidence over the years, although I know I have more work to do. At least I’m happy to have made some new friends. 🙂
Have a great week,
Here’s another wonderful quote to end the week. I have a friend who always told me that you get far in life by being kind and considerate, although it’s sometimes easier said than done.
“Make a gift of your life and lift all mankind by being kind, considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give” -David R. Hawkins
Have a great weekend everyone,
I wanted to share this video from Jessica Who, which I think is one of her best to date. It’s a nice message on being your true self. It’s just love all around, just what we need at times. So feel free to spread the word.
Cheers to you all,
This past weekend was just beautiful in the midsouth. It was great weather to go out strawberry picking. My wife K and I went to a local orchard and filled a large bucket with $12 worth of fresh strawberries. We had so much that we decided to make some ice cream, a pie, milk shakes, and only used up about half of what we picked. I think next season we’ll have to find a strawberry beer recipe to brew up. 🙂
Besides the strawberry picking, I also got a chance to practice my makeup skills. I have really come to like the videos from MissChievous on YouTube. She does some great eye makeup tutorials that I try to duplicate, try being the operative word. I have found myself really focusing in on the eyes. With the right kind of makeup, you can really make some dramatic looks. Flipping through Kevyn Aucoin’s “Making Faces” book has also been a helpful guide. At least I’m getting better with each time I transform in to Katie. Some days I do a good job (especially with covering the beard shadow), other days I end up deleting a bunch of pictures because they didn’t turn out well.
It’s something that takes time, but gets better with practice. Some girls (but not all) spend years growing up playing with makeup and dress up. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do. I find myself going through K’s stack of fashion magazines, checking out the latest spring styles, and seeing what kind of clothes might work for me. At least I’m enjoying the learning experience, which I think is the most important.
I just finished reading Helen Boyd’s book “My Husband Betty” and I thought I would write a few words about it, especially since it was such a highly suggested book. It has given me a different perspective on the issues of crossdresseres and their relationships with their spouses.
This book really helped reinforce the idea of respect and openness. I’ve always been open with my thoughts and feelings with my wife, and this book really reinforced how important it is to have that kind of relationship and trust with a parter. This relationship has allowed each of our concerns to be addressed and to live with a balance that works best for the two of us. This has allowed us to share some fun things together, like our enjoyment of makeup.
Helen writes at length about the different communities that have had to fight over the years. The feminist movement, gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities have all fought a public fight over the years to gain respect in the public eye, and are still fighting. I’m beginning to realize that in order to gain respect in the world, I’m going to have to stand up for what I believe in, even in a public setting. It does me no good to hide Katie away from the world, and shy away anytime the topic of gender differences comes up.
This idea has made me realize that when I do go out as Katie (to a friend’s house or pub) I’ll be going out as a crossdresser, not as a women. I don’t think my goal is to be 100% women when dressed as Katie. I could never pass as a women (a wig and makeup can only go so far), and I don’t think that’s my goal. Katie is just one part of many that makes up who I am. When I do eventually venture out, I’ll be doing so with a group of supportive friends, and if I am confident in myself, then I don’t have to pass in order to have a good time.
While reading the book, I at times became really dizzy and confused, especially when it came to labels. Helen does a great job at defining all the different labels, but after a while it becomes too much, and in the end they become less important. There are so many people that fit into the Transgender community, that coming up with a new label and definition for everyone becomes frustrating and confusing. I am me, a complex person with all kinds of emotions, nuff said.
These are just a few thoughts I had while reading this book. Now I’ll have to see if K wants to read it as well. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone new to these gender issues.
Early one weekend morning I woke up with anticipation of what kind of pictures I would be able to capture. When I looked outside I saw only fog, and I felt a little deflated. I was hoping for a few clouds and a nice sunrise to capture those wonderful purple and pink colors. I figured that since I was up already, I would at least go out for a walk, take my camera and see if there was anything interesting to capture. In the end I was happy that I went out because you can’t always expect for things to go the way you want them to go. Sometimes you are surprised by new experiences. At first I tried to take a few pictures of the fog, but I found that I didn’t have the proper settings on my camera. After some experimenting, I was able to get some nice pictures that I had not captured before.
Fog has been used as a metaphor for so many things. Getting lost in the fog can mean that the truth we drive for has been hidden. As the optimistic person I’ve always been, whenever I get into a little funk like this and loss sight of what I seek, I remember that the fog doesn’t last for ever and the sun will soon be out to lift it and reveal what has always been there.
The fog also represents the slow development of who I am discovering myself to be. I’m beginning to realize that the fog lifts more and more each time I bring Katie further out of the closet and into the real world. I’m beginning to care less if people figure out that I’m different and don’t fit into “normal” behavior. At some point I’m going to have to stand up for myself in a public setting and be confident of who I am.
Here’s to sunny and clear days in the future. Have a wonderful weekend,