Dealing with the emotions of the past month has really taken a toll and has me in a little funk. It’s made me look at my goals that I set for myself when I started this blog. I’ve been able to open up to a couple of friends, I’ve made a few friends online, but there is still so much that I want to do.
One of the goals I had set out for myself at the beginning of the year was to try to be more sociable, try to break away for the shyness. I’ve had trouble trying to develop some new friendships after moving to Memphis three years ago. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that growing up, my family moved all over the world. From the southern hemisphere, to the northern hemisphere, from one city to another, and from coast to coast. This really took a toll on building and losing friends. The more we moved, the less interested I was in making new friends. I guess because of the fear that they wouldn’t be around for long.
Now that we are in Memphis, and it looks like for a long time to come, I’ve had trouble interacting with new people. At work I have coworkers I get along with, but I haven’t built up a strong enough friendship with any one there to really open up to my deepest feelings. I’ve also found myself leaning towards friendships with women. I guess I have the idea that I can be more open, and emotional in a friendship with women than with men. When I think about the guys I play recreational team sports with, I could never imagine telling them that Katie exists in my life. That goes the same with long time friends from high school, many of who are super macho.
Well, I guess that’s enough negative thinking for one day. I have to realize that if other people can push past their boundaries, so can I. I just have to keep working at it. We’ll see what the next couple of months brings. Time to change the station from Blues to a little something more up beat.