I’m not afraid…I think
I guess I should say that I’m becoming less afraid of my feminine side, and I’m becoming less afraid of people knowing that Katie exists in my life. One particular event underlines my progression over the course of the last six months or so.
I signed up for a yoga-for-men class late last year at a small fitness center nearby that my wife attends. I was interested in yoga because I was having some lower back problems, and I knew that some yoga could really help with the pain. For a couple of months I was the only guy attending the classes, so after the winter break I decided to try something. For the past six months or so I’ve been painting my toenails, and after winter break I wasn’t in the mood to remove the polish before going to yoga. Knowing the instructor was an open-minded person; I decided to keep the blue toes, besides I would be the only other person there, right? Well, it was just my luck that on that day there was a second guy attending.
As soon as I walked around the corner and into the yoga room I paused, and my heart started racing, fearing what might be said or thought. But then something interesting happened while I was sitting on the yoga mat, waiting for the class to start (still had my sox on). I started to think, “I don’t care what the hell this other guy thinks, I am me, and I wear nail polish”. So I took off the sox, and started the class. To my relief, not a thing was mentioned. I did catch the instructor glance at my toes at one point and gave a quick smile. After the class I messaged the instructor and told her that I was working on starting a blog. She now knows about Katie and is very supportive and kind. She’s become a good friend.
These events may be inconsequential for some, but to me it was a big step in being comfortable with myself around others. I’ve had similar experiences at makeup counters, where I don’t mind trying on makeup and asking questions to the staff about products for myself. These are small steps, but it sure has built up my confidence.
Tomorrow I have another yoga class, and I have my toes painted with my new MAC dark angel polish. 🙂